Note: I created a short audio piece to go with this essay, something small, emotional, and made for the women who live this story. If you want to listen while you read, it’s included in this post.
The Life Transition Assessment
Crossing international borders for the sake of love presents a myriad of challenges that extend far beyond the logistical hurdles of navigating airports, dealing with extensive paperwork, and enduring inevitable language mishaps. The true challenge lies in the gradual realization that one's life no longer conforms to the conventional categories that others can easily understand or relate to.
The management skills.
This narrative is embodied by numerous women, typically between the ages of 35 and 50, who have chosen to follow their hearts across continents. These women have resided in three, four, or even five different countries, reconstructing their lives from the ground up more times than they can remember. Each move requires them to adapt to new cultures, learn new languages, and establish new social networks, all while maintaining a sense of normalcy for their families.
The Gap for acceptance
These women have become adept at navigating the role of the newcomer, the outsider, the individual who must decipher everything while the world around them continues unabated. They have honed the skill of quickly assessing and understanding new environments, becoming cultural chameleons who can blend into any setting.
However, when they attempt to re-enter the workforce, society often perceives them as having taken an extended hiatus. This period is labeled a "career gap," as if the act of uprooting a household every few years constitutes merely a gap. As if raising children without the support of nearby family is a gap. As if repeatedly adapting to new systems, cultures, and rules is simply a gap.
Oh, the grand circus of society! Where mothers, wives, and women are expected to juggle flaming torches while riding unicycles on a tightrope, blindfolded, of course. It doesn’t matter where you’re from; the show must go on! Meanwhile, the ringmaster, Equality, and his sidekick, Inclusivity, are busy taking a nap backstage. They love to make grand speeches about fairness but seem to have misplaced the script when it comes to actually putting on the performance. Bravo, society, bravo!
Many of these women don't usually talk about their problems because they're very busy. They work hard to keep things stable so their families can easily settle into each new place they move. They handle the house, help their partners with their jobs, and ensure their kids get a good education, all while trying to find their own path. But if you really listen to them, you'll hear a deeper truth behind their polite smiles:
"I didn't give up my career; it just couldn't handle all the moving."
The underlying emotional disintegration inherent in the "Checkbox Belong."
There is a quiet sorrow in this realization, not dramatic or loud, but a subtle ache that emerges when they complete job applications and find no checkbox for their myriad accomplishments.
However, there is also a unique resilience that arises from starting anew so frequently that the fear of doing so dissipates. These women have developed an inner strength and adaptability that allows them to face each new challenge with courage and determination. They are not fragile, nor are they lost or "behind."
They are living lives that defy conventional measurement, and perhaps it is time to initiate a conversation about this reality. It is time to recognize the value of their experiences, the skills they have acquired, and the sacrifices they have made. It is time to celebrate their resilience and acknowledge that their journeys, though unconventional, are rich with lessons and insights that can benefit us all.
Does this essay encapsulate your life experience?
And maybe you’re reading this from a kitchen table in a country you didn’t grow up in.
Maybe you’ve unpacked your life more times than you can count.
Maybe you’ve held everything together while trying not to lose yourself in the process.
If that’s you?… I’d really love to hear your story.
What part of this life has been the hardest to explain?
What have you carried that no one ever saw?
And what do you wish someone had told you before the first move?
You belong here truly.
This space is for women like you.
PS: If any part of this felt like your life? I’d really love to hear from you.
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